It's exactly two weeks until our wedding day now, and there is a lot on my mind. It's not uncommon for me to wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, worrying that I might have left a song off the playlist we sent through to our band, or that I'd forgotten to pay the lady that's making our cake. But this is just the tip of the iceberg. Here are 25 thoughts that have run through my racing mind at some point recently as we move ever-closer to the big day...
1. OMG I've been robbed! There was quite a lot of money in this account yesterday and now it's all gone!! I'm looking up the number for the Qatari police RIGHT NOW! Oh wait...it's just the money for the canapés which went through yesterday.
2. Is it possible to get Davina's bottom in just 2 weeks? I know, I'll do two back-to-back 'Fit In 15' sessions in a row to speed up the process. I'm so hardcore!
3. I've definitely forgotten something. *re-reads guest list, run-down sheet, spreadsheet and to do list for the umpteenth time. No, I'm OK...ten minutes later...I've definitely forgotten something!
4. When you get married, do you suddenly feel older and wiser, and acquire that nesting instinct which makes you want to turn down Saturday night invitations in favour of staying in to bake scones? Mmm, scones, sounds appealing. Maybe I have this instinct already!
5. Don't poke that spot, you'll make it worse. Don't prod the spot, it might scar. Don't touch...damnit!
6. Are 7 bikinis enough for a 3 week honeymoon? Hmm, I could probably do with a few more. I'm just going to sneak over here and do some online shopping and pretend I'm blogging while Rich is distracted.
7. Repeat above for sandals, shorts, dresses etc...
8. How do I make sure I don't cry all day at my own wedding when I cry all day at everybody else's weddings?!
9. I'm going to spend the next 5 hours reading Silverspoon London, The Travelista, A Married Couple & Their Travels, The Aussie Flashpacker etc. etc. to absorb all of their Italy tips. When I've finished, I'm going to read these posts all over again just to make sure I haven't missed anything.
10. Have I made sure my mum's cousin's son has contacted his hotel for the night of the wedding to ensure there are three cots in his room for his young children? What if they don't have three cots to give them? Will they be able to sleep?! I'd better make a long distance call to England and check.
11. I wish we'd bought that extra photo album package / booked that extra trumpet player with the band / asked them to bake some cup cakes as well as the wedding cake for the children. *looks up cost. Nah, we're ok.
12. I keep forgetting how one of our hymns goes. I'm just going to google it and do some practicing while nobody's in the house. Ohhh, this is a tuuuune! *cranks up the volume
13. Why haven't they invented the tan line-free bikini yet? You know, where UV rays just penetrate the bikini so that you don't end with funny triangle patches that might show up with your wedding dress? Which science-boffin friend can I ask to help me to get this onto Dragon's Den?
14. Will Rich like my dress?
15. How on earth will I ever repay my mum for everything she's done for us for this wedding? How can I show her how grateful I am? We couldn't do this without her!
16. Does everybody's hair start falling out when they're stressed or is it just me? Fingers crossed I'm not bald by the time I walk down the aisle.
17. I do hope I haven't turned into a wedding bore. Oops, there goes another smug blog post about my upcoming nuptials. What am I going to write about when it's all over? What am I going to talk about?! I'd better start looking for a new hobby.
18. I hope I'm the good wife that Rich deserves. I hope I am worthy of him and never let him down. I hope I'm able to show him every day how much I love him.
19. Oh cr*p I've broken a nail. Again. My nail technician's going to tell me off now. All her tips for growing my nails have gone to waste because I'm so clumsy! I'll have to distract her next time I go to the spa with lots of stories and hope she doesn't notice...
20. I'd better sit down and read Debbrett's Wedding Guide from cover to cover just to check we're doing this right. Hang on, it's telling me I shouldn't have flower girls under the age of four and that I should phone up my florist to check how likely each of my flowers is to cause pollen staining *throws over shoulder
21. When is compulsory marriage leave for the five weeks running up to your wedding going to come into play? *considers writing a letter to the Qatari Royal Family / David Cameron
22. Why is Rosalyn so much more organised than me when she's getting married 2 weeks after us? How does she manage to be so disciplined with her gym routine? I wish I was more like Rosalyn.
23. What shall we call our children? We should probably think about where we're going to live when we move back to London so that we're in the right catchment area. I hope I'm a cool grandma.
24. Yeah I've definitely forgotten something.
25. I must remember to tell Rich I love him every day for the rest of our lives.